Just spotted someone hasnt been blogging just like me..
No wonder she hasnt been dating me and now she is forgiven :p
I cant wait to catch up on her life and the things she have learnt.
Though the current job gave me some satisfaction in life but i stayed stagnant not learning things outside the job ever since graduation unlike my dearies.
Henceforth the stupid dilemnas.. to lead an exciting life or a laidback, satisfactory one.

Anw, after a prolonged.. procrastination, i've finally decided to grab some reads.. and those are Nicholas Spark's The Notebook and Dear John.
Im in high anticipation for the 2 books to be a gd read!

Lately havent been doing much just trying to accustom myself to the role that i had always wanted to challenge myself in assuming and finally when it is given to me, i feel that i dun really want it.
The feeling is kinda like *shrugs* proven i've been there done that - enough and i can move on.
There's lotsa responsibility to undertake, a guiding role and most importantly, you get penalised for mistakes others made cos u didnt prevent the mistakes from happening.
I do not have time for jokes, laughters and replying of smses as compared to my previous role - accountability solely just on ur own overlooking or ur JOs.

Late 1 yr, life has been full of dilemnas.. in whatever you do or things that havent happened or is going to happen.
I dunno why.. is that sign of ageing or growing up.
Life used to be a straight route up to 2 yrs ago. Study, work and travel.
Nevertheless, life has never been smooth sailing.
I could have thoughts like.. thank god my parents sent me to sch.. they sacrificed so much of their lives for me which resulted in me having a relatively good job and not having to wash dishes/collect dishes like some foreign teenagers in food courts.
Yet what i could do for them is so limited.
Then i would think can i possibly do the same if i were to be in their position 1 day :(

I wan to visit Sweden, NYC, Tokyo and Australia! There are just so many places i wanna go!!!

In the passage of growing up, we become less complete.
Even if you managed to find the ultimate anchor point, somewhere along the way, bits and pieces of you would have flaked off and be left with some others whom you have interacted/encountered prior to this one.

A part of you is left with X.
Sometimes you can only recollect in solitary.
It's just special and melancholy.

It is a bit sad.
As much as one is selfish and hope for his or her partner to stay whole, it is in fact impossible unless you are his or her first.

Still, cheers to life and good health. :)

My dearest.
Always stood by me.
No matter how many freaking times i failed or hurt him to the core.
I tried imagining being treated the way i had treated him.. i can only close my eyes.
No one and i mean NO ONE will ever or has been the harbour he had prepared himself to be for me.
I'm sorry for being juvenile.
As i said, last shift was a horror and having been overworked and having someone to just glaze at you in silence, giving you a tight grasp, stroking your hair at the end of the terrifying day.. together with your fav drink & a baby for you to rest in..
All these, without any grudges and in full willingness.. it just says it all.
I felt so peaceful and sheltered.

I noe i am significant to you.
The distance i sometimes displayed are just ways of telling you i am unsure, and i dont want to hurt you anymore if i were to fail you again.
I rather close the gap between the happiness and the shock that might come in future.
There are just so many concerns on my mind.
I just wish that all the problems will go away and there are so many places in the world i wanna explore!
I want to have the walls full of the photos of where we will step on if these days do come.
Most importantly, i don't want to see you getting hurt or not being able to rest/eat well as a result of me as you will always be my dearie.

The dinner with xiao di at simon plaza was pretty fruitful.
He is a real sweet gentleman as usual - highly recommended. :p
We had some good debates on various perspectives about life.
It was real fun to be able to push him to the corner during the countering and he no longer managed to guard against his stand. Hehe.
And of cos there are some dark secrets which i managed to yield from the session as well.
We shall have it again alright hopefully this time round everything would be back to normal.

I hope the best for you gal.
It's a crisis to face, be strong.

Back to shift after a good 1 week bdae break.. keke :)
It's weird that when you are not at it, you'll miss operations.
The excitement, the sense of achievement and control over your show, the stress/ability to have the stamina to keep up your good show for 8 straight hours.
I do love my job although when you have a lousy shift i swear you'll curse like nobody's biz.
That's why everyone whom works here only hopes that the day will be 平安顺利. :)
Nothing else matters more than to go through rate/productivity enquiries esp if you dunno what went wrong/it's destined to go wrong but no one wld accept that kind of explanation &/or to encounter suay incidents.
Argh.

Today was teamed with JT and Jimmy.
It was a fun shift.. ops itself wasnt exactly fun per se.. but the team mocked and laughed at each other.
Esp after JT got a mosquito bite on his face..
We could make jokes out of one another.. and the both of them when at 'loggerheads' would fight over asking me to LD the other.

Some loots~ recently hehe..
As you grow, the things across your entire self.. be it wants or needs is so much of a hell lot.
Consumerism totally overwhelmed.
There is always something made on the list to get. :p
Just that sometimes, rationale /mood of the day would pull you back to check on what's left to meeting ends meet till payday. :p

I wanna learn piano again.
I hope i can at least try some dance.
I also wanna take up Jap!
Lately i have been thinking.. how do we grow wisdom?
It's tricky and difficult.
You cant wise overnight.
You cant just read some books and decided you r knowledgeable enough tmr.
I am still figuring.

有一千，一万个对不起想对你说。
伤你的简直毁了你。
以为你了解`以为你懂。
我已经没什么好说的。
因为所有的错都在于我。
就算原谅也不能得到任何宽恕。
你的大量已经忍人所不能忍。
欠你的实在太多。

Painful and heartfelt.
Numbed and breathless.
All the strength within me is being withdrawn.

I wished 1 day soon i could post something happy over here.
That i could move on.
But i couldnt help having that hogging force pulling me back and the presence of some resistance halting me forward.
I could neither move forward or backward.
I stood on the spot for this long.
I wonder when the dynamics will shift.

To date.
I felt horrible.
I need to apologize to those that i have hurt.
Those specific ones.
For my selfishness.

Will you forgive me?
I noe 我这一辈子都不会忘记你也不能放下你。
I don't know if im just lost or i am totally not ready.
我知道我已经很难被宽恕了。

Tsk.. just did another swapping of operator incident.
是硬着头皮做的. :(
Cant remember when was the last time i did that since these 2 incidents.
Most likely a yr ago when i was a newbie.
Honestly, the feeling sucks.
But on the other hand, i hope the one who was being asked to go up and replace someone else felt that he is finally recognised and was chosen with the confidence to sail the vessel at a high rate with the preference over others.
:)
加油喔!

Cant wait to finish up this week.. seems like there is gg to be a lot of fun stuff coming along.

Of coz, would like to thank my gal for traveling down to visit me, cook for me and be there for me.
I noe that is so not bin lor.
Precisely that's why im super touched！
Hope everything pulls through for you too!
Since the decision is made, you can only wish for your close ones to understand and push through with what you ought to do while you are still young.
:)
I totally admire your courage.
*muacks*